Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
