Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They took my balls.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
