yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
