oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
