Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
