Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
