Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Shame is for Republicans.
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