Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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