my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
