i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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