Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
