we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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