I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
