Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
