If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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