I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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