Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His hands were made for my vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
