You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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