let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
