The maid of honor just puked.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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