Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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