Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
