suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
