im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
