I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
