It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
