You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
