How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
