bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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