how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
