a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
