I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
