i jhust puked up my retainher.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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