don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
