Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
