I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
