Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
