He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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