I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
