Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
