Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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