OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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