Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
