It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
