Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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