I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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