Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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