I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
