you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
