im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
