Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
