what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
