Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
