Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he was CRYING into my vagina
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
