can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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