so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
